Is this style, which you term passive-aggressive, how he normally approaches relationship issues, or just this one?
Do you think the meds are also directly affecting your mood?
I come home, i get a bit emotional one night and start saying how much i miss him... he tells me hes decided to stay.. he says it was obvious he was going to have to stay there... if he said no to the opportunity then his work would never give him this chance again... and he had more friends there, the work was better, more money etc... so im like completely broken...
Right now she is in the me-me-me state of mind. She doesn't know it...she feels bad and knows she cars about her husband, but her decision making to assess her next steps are all self-serving...help her state of mind, keep her from going crazy, save her guilt, let her enjoy her baby. Saying it will save her F pain is misguided and a false way to support the decision she wants to make not to tell.
What also isn't good is your jealousy and your snooping. Both are bad things. You are definitely codependent on your boyfriend (something that's been discussed ad nauseum on this site), which contributes to the paranoia. But you have to learn to a) develop boundaries (you have none, which is why you always find yourself in these pickles) and b) develop trust. It's sketchy for him to keep the friendship with her from you, but it's also shady as hell for you to snoop. Just unacceptable behavior from both parties.
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